a brand new page

Hey everyone and HAPPY NEW YEAR! I can’t believe 2018 is here already. It feels like only a couple of months ago I was leaving the beach and writing my first blog post of the year. I set a whole bunch of resolutions; some I stuck to, some I did not. 2017 started off rough for me, and threw me off for the rest of the year. I am determined to not let 2018 do the same.

I want to keep the resolutions I had last year: healthy body, healthy mind. I want to write more, if nothing else to give myself an outlet of release. I want to spread my wings and become a (somewhat) responsible adult and foster my independence some more. I want to enjoy a year living with my best friend. I want to become a better teacher, sister, daughter, friend. I want to travel, to learn, to grow, to reflect.

This past week has been one of renewal and reflection. I got some much needed rest, and time with good family and friends. I’m ready to go into work Thursday and kick ass. I’m ready to save as much money as possible and for March to hurry up and get here so I can move into a space I’m financially responsible for. I’m ready to get back to the grind and keep moving up. I’m ready for things unknown- hardships and triumphs, wins and fails. I’m ready for 2018. Whatever it brings.

There’s something about the new year that is so inspiring and hopeful. It always lights a fire in me to move mountains, when really I could do these things any other time of the year. But I want to start now. I want a clean slate. A brand new page, just waiting to be filled with words and dreams and hopes.

 

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it’s christmas vacation,

Hey hey,

Merry Christmas Eve! Currently writing to you from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. My family actually came down here yesterday. We wanted to be down here to celebrate Christmas this year, which is unusual to say the least. This is the first Christmas I’ll have ever spent away from home. But as they say, home is the people you are with, not the place you are in. I have most of my family here except for my sister and her fiancé, so that is a bit strange. We had our mini Christmas at home yesterday so they could celebrate with us. It was weird, doing things so differently. We had lunch out at Longhorn after opening more gifts at my grandparents. It was a lot of change which led to a lot of freaking out by yours truly.

I had what I can only describe as an anxiety attack yesterday. I started crying in the middle of exchanging gifts and had to leave the room. It came out of nowhere but at the same time I guess I can point out the stressors. The change in routine, stress at work, not having a schedule for traveling (we had no set time for departure time, which is most unusual for my family and I hated it), my sister taking credit for a gift to my grandmother we both contributed to, and my dad being an ass; it all led to a mini mental breakdown. I’m fine today, which confuses me. I still haven’t come terms with some things that have happened in my life recently and I guess yesterday was just the cherry on top of it all.

I’m fine today. Content, and very glad to be here. Free of work and responsibilities at home. I’m hoping these next ten days go by smoothly. I didn’t realize how badly I needed a vacation until my very concerned boss pulled me into her office on Wednesday and told me she could tell something was wrong. The waterworks burst out there and she was basically my therapist for 20 minutes or so.

This year has been stressful to me and she could tell even when I could not. The commute is getting to me. I’m out of the house for 12 hours a day, I come home, I eat, shower, and go to bed. Repeat. My class this year just isn’t the same. They’re good kids but I’ve not connected with any of them the way I did last year. My co-teacher is so sweet but our teaching styles are drastically different. She’s very straightforward and plays no games. This is her first year with threes and she just expects way too much of them, but when I try to talk to her she thinks I’m just being soft on them. She’s been so overtly stressed for the past month that it’s stressing me out! I feed off the energy of people around me, which is one of my personal flaws. When she’s upset, I get upset. Which isn’t okay. In a partnership, both parties have to be on the same page, especially in a classroom environment. I told my boss all of this and am giving my co-teacher until the end of January to get it together before I ask for a sit down talk with her. I can’t finish the rest of the year like this. There’s so much more to this story that I won’t get into. I told myself I would not think of work and look at me, I’m sitting here blogging about it.

I guess my whole point was that I am stressed and it’s really not mystery why. There’s a lot that’s happened to me that I’ve not written about. I don’t know that I ever will. Right now, I want time to calm down, to reflect. Writing all of this down is helping me to move on from it. Which is what I need and deserve to do. It’s Christmas Eve after all.

Moving on. Last weekend I went to Williamsburg for my annual birthday trip with my best friend Allison and my family. It was a blast, we got to spend the night there in a hotel. My sister and her fiancé came, and she was a bit of a bitch. What else is new? We got over it as per usual. Poor mom was sick with what she didn’t know was bronchitis. She’s still recovering. We didn’t get to do all I had planned but it was still fun!

I learned Allison is moving in with her boyfriend in January. That have me the inspiration I needed to get off my ass and get apartment searching. Valerie and I are going to look after I get back from vacation. March is the goal for me to move. I’m no longer dreading it but looking forward to it. I’m excited to be her roommate, it’ll be a blast. I just have to get out and do it. I can’t stay at home forever. Valerie’s exited too. I know she’s been lonely so this will be a good move for both of us. We talked about it Friday when I went to the National Zoo for Zoolights with her, Morgan and Abby. It was so much fun! I’ll post pictures later. The zoo looked beautiful with all the light displays. If you live in the DC area it isn’t too late to visit! I think it’s still open until January, you should go! Afterwards we went back to Valerie’s, struggled to order a pizza, and decorated her apartment for Christmas. Better late than never I guess.

I’ve been going and going since I got out of work. Today I slept until 11, which is the latest I’ve slept in weeks. We did nothing all day except cook for Christmas breakfast and dinner tomorrow, and get the condos decorated for Christmas. It was a wonderful, restful day full of much needed downtime. We finished the day off with our annual tradition of watching National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. It gets funnier year. The parents went to bed right after watching the Dick van Dyke show afterwards. I should be sleeping now, tomorrow is gonna be a long day at my crazy aunts house! I’m excited for it.

Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas wherever you are, and if you don’t celebrate just have a wonderful day anyway! Bless you if you took the time to read this unchecked and long post. Hopefully I have time to jump on here tomorrow. Talk to you soon!

xoxo,
Victoria

25.

Good grief.

Almost an entire year has gone by since I last wrote on here. What a year been. Good grief just about sums it up. I honestly thought about making a new blog and starting fresh, considering how I failed to live up to any of my goals I set for myself this year. 2017 was a miserable year for me. It started miserably, and it nearly ended miserably too.  It’s picked itself up again, trying to redeem itself in this final month of it all. But that’s a tale for another time, if I ever feel like telling it.

 

I only hopped on here to write about how I feel here, in this moment. Today is my twenty-fifth birthday. It feels weird to say that I’m twenty-five. I feel older, I really do. This was one of those birthdays that just feels different. It was a good one though. I worked, was showered with love by my coworkers and students, came home early, and got to spend the evening with my family.

I went to bed last night feeling sad. Discouraged I guess is a better word. I’m not where I thought I would be at twenty-five. Wherever I thought that would be. To be honest, I never thought I’d make it to this age. I could never see myself as a twenty-five year old. I remember thinking my freshman year of college of how I’d be twenty-two when I graduated and how crazy that would be. And now here I am. 25. It’s not such a scary number.

 

I hope this year will treat me better than the last. I hope I keep growing as a teacher, as a friend, as a daughter, as a sister, as a person. I hope when I’m reflecting on my life this time next year, I’m more content, and proud. Not that I’m not proud of myself now. But I always want to strive more, to reach more. To never stop growing and learning. I hope the number 25 teaches me more about resilience, about love, about kindness, about grace. I hope I have even more adventures and more opportunities. More smiles and laughter, less tears and fears and loathing.

 

Who knows when I’ll be on here next. Maybe this will be the last time or the first time of many more. I won’t make promises or year long goals like I did last time. I’m more of an in the moment type of gal anyway.

 

Until next time.

xoxo, V

thoughts from the road.

 

•WARNING: This post is long as hell and not checked for mistakes so this is your warning it might be a hot mess haha!

So it’s 7:30 AM as I write this. I’ll post it much later but I felt like writing a little bit now. We’re on our way back home to Virginia and driving down some tiny back roads in South Carolina. It’s raining, and getting colder so the fog is rising. It looks like something out of a horror movie.

I’m exhausted. It took almost five hours last night between my mom, grandma and myself to clean our condo and get ready to leave today. We got less than six hours of sleep and we’re supposed to stop in Richmond to visit a sick relative. It’s gonna be a long day. At least I’ll be tired by the time I get home. I can hit the hay and be ready to go back to reality at 6 AM tomorrow for work. I’m not ready at all to come back from vacation, but I’ve missed my kids and I’m excited to see them all. Plus it’s only a four day work week, so it’s not all that bad.

I won’t have another week long break until at least July. My school is year round except for a week in August which is kind of a bummer. I’m envious of my best friend who is an elementary school teacher. It’s times like these that make me consider going back to grad school to get my licensure and certification to teach older kids. But I have a fantastic job now. What would be perfect is more time off! 😂 I really shouldn’t complain. Over the course of a year I have 5 weeks off, which is way more than most people. I lucked out on this job for sure! It just always makes me sad to leave the beach and know I can’t come back whenever I want. My days of being a college student on long breaks are over forever, and I always think about that when I manage to get out of town for a little while. But it makes me appreciate my time here more, for sure.

Now that I’m on the road back home, I’m ready to just keep going and get into the swing of things. This coming week will be my last week of my normal diet. I plan on getting healthy groceries this weekend to kick start my resolution for this year (healthy body, mind, and soul). I have no willpower whatsoever when it comes to junk food but I am so ready to just feel good again. I gained a whole bunch of weight this past year because I was constantly stressed. When I’m stressed, I eat. And I eat comfort food. If only I ate healthy when I was stressed, where would I be now? 😂 The goal is to lose 40 pounds by July, when my friends and I are supposed to go back to the lake. Then I’ll reevaluate my diet and lifestyle- see what works, what doesn’t, change what I need to. I’m so determined this time, and I have a desire to become healthy. Before it was just about losing weight. Now it’s about changing my lifestyle and becoming a wholly healthy individual, starting from the inside out. I hope I can keep up with this motivation.

Another thing I want to do is keep a good thoughts jar. Last year at this time I became so depressed and dismal I lost motivation and love for life altogether. I want to do something this year to help me keep track of the good. So, every day this year I’ll try and write down a good memory or thought on a little piece of paper and put it in a jar. On New Year’s Eve I’ll go back into the jar and read what I wrote. This ties into the healthy mind thing- if I keep note of the positive, maybe the bad won’t seem so bad.

Of course this is super simple. I’m sure there will be days I won’t want to write anything at all. No year is completely perfect. But I’m going to try and keep better track of things. Maybe I’ll journal more and try to blog more. I plan on getting a camera, just a simple point and shoot, to vlog special occasions. One thing I always regret is not taking enough pictures or videos of important stuff, and maybe with a cute little camera (maybe the Canon N2?) I’ll be more inclined to do it! I’ve got some cool stuff lined up to do in 2017, I don’t want to miss it.

In the immediate future, I mean until February, I’m not doing too much. We have assessments for the kids this month and I’m nervous. I’ve heard it’s a lot of hard work and there will be face to face parent conferences. I love my parents that we have but I need to work on my interactions with some of them. And I need to keep track of the milestones our students should be able to meet. Some of them are pretty behind and that’s a little scary to me. But we’ll work on it. This’ll be a learning curve for me.

February 26 will be my 6th anniversary with my high school friends! Well, it’s been much longer than that. But that’s the day we got our group name- The Pack- and kind of established we’d all be stuck with each other forever. The last couple of weeks I’ve grown to love them all over again. Being away in college for 5 years I felt left out and kind of displaced, but I spent Christmas Eve with them and felt as though I’d never been away. Michelle is back in our lives as of this week as well and moving back home. She and I fell out of touch with each other after our freshman year, and she’s been in Tennessee since the summer so we haven’t heard from her at all. I guess with the New Year year coming up she wanted to start fresh and realized she missed us a lot. We missed her too! She spent NYE with the other girls and they sent me videos of them together. She’s so excited to be back in the thick of our friendship and it makes my heart so full. Since Molly left the group things haven’t been perfect, but they’ve been better. We’re stronger now and most people are blown away that we still call our best friends from high school our best friends. But even though things may have been fickle at times and I questioned my place with them, I’ve re-evaluated that since I’ve moved back home. I’m so glad they’re still in my life and so excited to celebrate our anniversary and the year ahead with them. 😊

In other news; I’m trying to see if I can get up to NYC again. The last time we went we took the bus and on the way back home I actually met a guy. 😅 the bus was full af and my sister and her boyfriend got a seat together. This guy saw me standing there like a deer in the headlights and told me I could sit next to him. The funny thing is we didn’t start talking until the last 30 minutes of the trip. I was a little grumpy and tired and slept most of the way. But towards the end we started talking and he added me on Facebook. I’ve been talking to him off and on since Thanksgiving and he wants to see me. He actually lives near-ish to me, so if I can get over my nerves I think we might go out. TRUTH TIME: I’ve never date anyone before- I’ve talked to people but never actually had a relationship with anyone. The closest I ever got to that was with Nathan last year (which blew up in my face smh) and then Cole and I were “talking” for a while before he got a girlfriend in his hometown. So I’m nervous. This guy is very clearly interested and I am too but I’m so shy and nervous and gahhh. So we’ll see how it goes. 2017 is looking interesting for sure! 🤗

Well this post is long as hell. I’ve been writing for 40 minutes! I just needed something cathartic to do after the stress of trying to get out of the condo this morning. Thanks for letting me vent. If anyone is reading this right now I hope you’re having a fantastic second day of the new year! We’ll chat later.

xoxo

Victoria

hello, 2017.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I am writing this on my last night at the beach. As per usual we spent New Years down here and had a fantastic last day of vacation spent with family and friends! Tomorrow it’s back to Virginia and then Tuesday back to work. I honestly can’t believe my Christmas break is already over. It’s times like these where I really miss college-rather, the month long breaks that came during the winter.

I just wanted to write up a little something since it is the first day of 2017. Another year to start anew. I know they’re just dates in a calendar, but I was more than ready to say goodbye to 2016. It was one of the worst years, if not the worst, of my life. I’ve heard that from a lot of people. From here I can only have hope that 2017 will bring about change; peace, joy, and resolutions to some of the problems that 2016 brought my way. I’ve grown stronger because of them, but of course I’d have rather not gone through what I had to in order to get to this point. But such is life. It has its ups and it has its downs, and time stops for nobody. I can only pray that 2017 is the polar opposite of what just passed.

My goal for this past year was simple: to stand up for myself, not be such a pushover. I still have room to grow but I’ve gotten such a stronger backbone since this time last year. I’d say I succeeded. But I’ll continue to work on that into 2017. My personal health is something I’m working on for this coming year: emotional, spiritual, and physical. I want to change how I feel from the inside out and focus on myself. I need to come up with a tangible way of making this happen but I’ve let my self-care go to the wayside these past 6 months. I’ve been working hard and I’m proud of that but I’ve let work become the biggest factor in my life. I want that to change this year and focus on the other things: my family, my friends, making time to hang out with them more, and having me time. That seems hard to come by these days but I’ll try my best.

This is really just nutshelling everything I want to talk about, but I have to get up super early tomorrow. Maybe I’ll expound upon this stuff next weekend when I’m home from work. Maybe it’ll be another two weeks before I come back. I don’t know. But I wanted to have all this in writing, if only for myself.

If you’re still reading this, I hope you had a fantastic New Year celebration. I hope 2017 treats you with kindness and is full of wonderful opportunities for you. Thank you. We’ll talk soon.

xoxo,

Victoria

catching up.

Hello again!

Didn’t think I’d be posting again so soon but here I am! I’ve got some time to write at work while my kids are napping so I figured at the very least I would start a post.

Hope everyone’s Thanksgiving was as good as mine was! As I mentioned in the last post, my family came out from Wyoming to see us. They got here the day before Thanksgiving and left the Tuesday after. Thanksgiving itself was pretty good, but the real fun came that night when my mom, cousin, and me went out to do some Black Friday shopping. Yes, we are those people. We used to refuse to go out on Thanksgiving but after a few years of totally missing out on things we wanted to buy because we were too late, we caved in. And boy was it fun this year. Having my cousin here totally made it even more fun than usual. We left at 7 pm Thanksgiving night and arrived back at my house 2:30 pm the next day. That’s over 19 hours of shopping (and trying to catch a black cat in a McDonald’s parking lot- more on that later). It was fun but terribly exhausting.

The rest of Friday we just chilled out, started decorating our house for Christmas. It looks beautiful as always- I’ll try and post a few pictures sometime. Saturday was my cousins birthday so we went out to a local Mexican replace and my mom made her a Winnie the Pooh cake (a family classic). We stayed up to watch Interstellar (one of the best movies I’ve ever seen, please watch it). On Sunday we went to Mount Vernon for a tour and family photo shoot. Of course I’ve been many times having grown up 40 minutes from it, but never this time of year. It was beautiful seeing the house and grounds during Christmas. We had a lot of fun! After dinner we went home to decorate the tree while the men and my cousins little girl watched a couple movies. My cousin, sister and I stayed up until nearly two and STILL didn’t finish. I mean, it’s a twelve foot tree but still. I was hoping to just knock it out. 😂 Then Monday we decorated the yard and finished the tree, and got some baking and dinner in. I stayed up late teaching my cousin about all the social media accounts she got to keep up with all of us. It was fun but I wanted to die the next morning when I woke up at 6. In hindsight I should have taken Tuesday off as well, but I wasn’t thinking very well. It was a long visit but not long enough. It’s hard having people you love so much that you can only see every few years, if that. Before we went out to Wyoming a few years ago we hadn’t seen my cousin in 13 years. That’s a long time. Her boyfriend is applying for jobs out here though, so we will see what comes of that. They’re ready to leave Wyoming, and it would be awesome to have them here. Time will tell, I suppose.

Anyway, that’s some major nutshelling of how my Thanksgiving Break was. And now I’m sitting in class as my kids start to wake waiting for Christmas break. It can’t come soon enough! My birthday is this coming Sunday but I have to work Saturday so I can’t really go out and celebrate. Not that I would. I’d much rather spend the day at home but we’re watching our students for a few hours so their parents can go out and shop for Christmas presents. It’s a great thing to do but I have to be here at 9 and leave my house by 8 at least so I don’t even get to stay up late the night before or sleep in on Saturday. Kind of a bummer. I’ll go out for dinner on Sunday with my family though, so I do get to celebrate a bit. Then it’s back to work. Save me.

Also, I’m sick again so there’s that. So is my co-teacher so we’re both miserable and teaching and it sucks. We’re cooped in with the kids all day because it’s raining outside so that means no playground time and they’re driving us up the wall with their restlessness. They napped for a long time though so I can’t complain! But now they’re awake. Well half of them are. I better get the rest of them up.

Def didn’t check this for typos so I’m sure there are loads of embarrassing ones as I typed this on my iPad. Also I’m at home now… But still too lazy to proof read. OOPS. Oh well, enjoy anyway! ⭐️

xoxo

Victoria

a little (big) life update.

So, long time no see, again. It honestly doesn’t surprise me that I haven’t been on here since June. So much has changed since then, but mostly good things. But this this change came a lot of busyness and I haven’t really had time to stop and write. I know- in nearly 6 months I haven’t had the time or the willpower or the creative energy to sit in front of my computer and type. It sounds pitiful, but let me explain myself.

First things first: I got a job! A big girl job! In my degree field! I’m a preschool teacher at an academy near Washington DC. I work with some pretty cool ladies to teach some of the greatest kids I’ve ever met. I’ve been doing this since August (it’s nap time right now for them and I’m watching them sleep- hence this post haha). This job has amazing benefits (I get a free massage every couple months- hell yeah) including great vacation time and insurance plans, a 401k in the next few months, and of course the pay is fantastic. Now besides being a teacher, I’m busy with the boring stuff that’s part of being an adult. My biggest complaint is the commute- this place is 40 miles from my house but I take 95 North every day. So it takes me an hour and 20 minutes to get here at 9. Then I leave here at 6 pm, which usually puts me home at 7:30. And because I want to function like a normal human being to get up at 6 the next morning, I have to be in bed by 9:30. This has me out of the house for 12 hours. Those other 12 hours at home consist of me eating, showering, and sleeping. Maybe if I’m feeling up to it I stay up for 30 minutes to watch the news or whatever. So as you could probably assume, I live for the weekends, which are no longer chill like they used to be as I use those days to catch up on what I need to do when I’m out at work. It’s an exhausting cycle. I was sick for nearly 2 months straight. I’m getting over bronchitis and pneumonia (I had both. At the same time) now. But I truly love my job. My immune system is adjusting, and I’ve settled into things. Today is my three month mark, and while it’s exhausting I’m going to stay. I’ll be able to move up here next year, so my schedule will be so much better. In the meantime, I’m saving up and enjoying my last year at home with my parents.

Yes, the move back home went well. Fun fact: I almost pursued my on/off again dream of moving to New York City to be a receptionist (I know). I would have done it, had I not needed to start three days after I got the job offer. It freaked me out, the thought of uprooting my life so quickly and moving to an entirely different state away from my whole family. Which is part of the reason I came home. If the time ever comes for me to go to New York, I want to be able to brace myself for it and spend time with my family here. So I left. I don’t miss my college town as much as I thought I would. I haven’t been back since July but plan on going down there this weekend for our third annual Thankschristmas. I haven’t seen any of my friends there since July, but I don’t miss them like I thought I would. That sounds awful, but I really was anticipating some sort of separation anxiety. There’s been none. I’m not even all that excited to be going this weekend, but it’s been so long and I have no excuse so I figured it’s time. Don’t get me wrong, I do want to see them. I just need to get my lazy ass back down there, then I’ll be glad I went. That also sounds bad, but again: read about my schedule. I don’t even have time for myself on the weekends, haha! But that’s about to change.

Thanksgiving Break is next week. My family from Wyoming is flying out here to stay with us and I’m so excited! I haven’t seen them since we were out there nearly 3 years ago. They’ve never even been to our house in the 11 years we’ve been here. Some family time is long over due. My cousin is huge on Black Friday shopping like my mom and I, so we’re all gonna go together and I’m too hype! It’s gonna be so fun. Next month we are going to Williamsburg, my birthday tradition for the past 11 years. And then of course Christmas will be here, and the next day my family will be going down to the beach for a much needed New Years vacation.

I seriously can’t believe it’s already nearly time to start another year. I’m more than ready, though. 2016 has been the worst year in my living memory for personal reasons and just around the world overall. I think many people would agree. Between this God awful election, the unrest in our country for the entire year and afterwards, and the many tragic events that have happened, 2016 has been relentless in its cruelty. There have been some spots where it wasn’t all that bad. Like I said, I’m beyond grateful for this amazing job I have. My grandmother is still alive (we had yet another cancer scare- another reason I dislike 2016) and I get to see family I haven’t seen in years. We still have our health, our home, and our sanity. But I’m ready to say hello to 2017. I’m praying it treats us better. I don’t know about you but I physically cannot do another year like this past one.

There’s so much more I want to write. But now that I’m sitting here doing it, I seem to have forgotten. I’m going to have some time in the next month to write, which I want to do more of. I feel like I say this every time then disappear for months at a time. So no promises, but I’m going to try. Right now my kids are waking up from nap so I’ve gotta go get them ready for the rest of our day. Then I get to go home and enjoy my weekend. I hope that if you’ve stuck around and read this whole thing, you have a lovely weekend too. If not, still have a good weekend. I know I will!

xoxo,

Victoria